El Camino

 The Countdown.

 One week from today I leave for Porto, Portugal to meet up with my daughter, Greta, and my sister, Eva, and embark on our “epic pilgrimage” – 150+ miles on el Camino de Santiago. 

If you are unfamiliar with the Camino, it is an ancient route walked over the centuries by pilgrims beginning in France and ending in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. In more recent times, newer routes have been established and we will take the path from Porto, Portugal, 150 miles north along the Atlantic coastline over 13 days. (I picked the Portuguese Coastal Route due to its lower elevation climbs. Call me chicken.) 

 

I became enamored with this undertaking in the late 90’s when I read The Camino, by Shirley MacLaine. At the age of 60, she walked 500 miles from St. Jean Pied de Port, France to Santiago de Compostela, Spain. Ever since, I have been determined to make this trek. Finally, turning 70 this summer, I will fulfil my dream. 

 

As I approach our October 6 start, I realize this journey actually began more than a year ago when Eva and I sat down in Montana with her husband, Steve, to lay out our plan. I have to say his first reaction was not “Hey, okay. Good for you. You go girls!” I guess he would like to have had a couple of decades to wrap his arms around the concept, like I did. I can’t really blame him. 

 

Over this past year I have worked with a personal trainer twice a week. I have walked and walked and walked. I have fallen down in training and broken my front teeth. I have experimented with different shoes and finally settled and broken in a pair of Brooks (I guess you could say I am now broken in from top to bottom - teeth to feet). I am ready! 

 

In the planning process, I set what I call my “princess parameters.” We will stay in AirBnBs or hotels – no hostels. I will carry a day pack during the dat and transport one larger backpack with necessities (I refuse to be a beast of burden). No sleeping bags. No singing around the campfire. No bedbugs.

For Shirley, el Camino was more of a spiritual journey. For me, it will be a test of my true and Sweet grit, both spiritually and physically.

Stay tuned for blogs (which I will keep brief but try to capture the essence of el Camino) and wish us luck. Buen camino!

It's been a year.

Dan Cambridge Bear Lake, Colo. 2009

I never really understood the gravity with which people mark the "anniversary" of their loved one's death. (I hesitate to use that word because it carries a celebratory connotation and believe me, I'm not celebrating). But, as I approached February 20, I can adamantly say "I get it!" No one really gets it until they experience it.

But, I'm not writing today to talk about me. That was simply to explain why I post a blog on the "anniversary" of Dan's death. (There's that word again. But I'll keep using it because I don't have a better one. If Dan were here, he would come up with it. Words were his life, you know. But, he's not here.)

Today I want to honor Dan. I won't get into his last moments, other than to say he left this world with as much dignity as he lived his life for 70 years. He never complained. Never showed the incredible pain he must have suffered. Never asked much of me as I cared for him. He left quietly, knowing exactly where he was going.

A few days ago, I told a friend and colleague that Dan and I had an incredible marriage for 30 years. She asked me what made it incredible. I described how faithful he was, not only to me, but to our children, grandchildren, friends, family, colleagues, and his spiritual life, . He was honest in everything he said and did. Throughout our 30 years, he honored me with respect and commitment and a love that I can't find the words to describe.

But, Dan did find the words. Years ago. Even before we were married. It's from the works of Carson McCullers. Dan wrote them down, tucked them away and I found them some months after he died. It was truly divine intervention that I came across this handwritten note. I'm certain he wrote it while we were dating, because there was a picture of my children (eventually to be his stepchildren) tucked inside.

What made our marriage incredible? Every single day for 30 years, Dan expressed this in the way he loved me. He never read it to me; never presented it to me. But he expressed these words, this sentiment, through his actions. Every day. For 30 years.

Thank you Dan for leaving this treasure to be found. I miss you.

All I had ever felt was gathered

together around this woman.

Nothing lay loose in me but was

finished up by her. There were

these beautiful feelings and little

pleasures inside me. This

woman was something like an

assembly line for my soul. I

run these little pieces of myself

through her and come out complete.

Happy Birthday, Dan!

Today is Dan's birthday. And though he's been gone six months, I still want to celebrate for him. We celebrated his life at his funeral this year on February 26. Again, today, I want to celebrate his life. Honestly, I celebrate him in one way or another every single day. But, today he deserves more.

In his memory, I want to share a second eulogy delivered at Dan's funeral. It was written and delivered by our daughter Greta and is a lovely tribute.


"Last night Reverend Brooks reminded us that today is a celebration of life and I have taken that to heart. There are moments that I feel overwhelming confusion and grief but I have spent much of the past six days just remembering Dan. When I think about Dan throughout the years, I don’t remember confusion, grief, or even the Dan that was diagnosed with cancer and then spent three years battling it and never giving up.

I remember consistency, pragmatism, care, and kindness. I also remember epic family vacations that always consisted of the five of us and sometimes, if we were especially fortunate, our dog Brendan. Camping, skiing, all that history. You would think the camping, skiing, and showing history to kids must have been torture for him but he kept doing it and now these are all experiences that Richie, Erich, and I have sought to replicate. 

I also remember the day to day. Dan was my barometer for whether or not an idea was ridiculous and over the top. If he looked pensive and confused, it was probably bad. If he started researching and reading about it, it was probably good.

I live in Honduras, a decision that Dan met with some apprehension. It has been a challenging environment for me for different reasons, which Dan would surely agree with because he spent 2.5 years listening to me rant on the phone. After these calls, I would hang up and tell myself I would do better next time so he would not see my calls as his parental cross to bear. But he is Dan and he asked the leading questions and I would get going again on my soapbox.

One day I received a message from him. They had moved to Des Moines and were without a church home but still with a desire to do something. Even in the days leading up to his death, he was thinking beyond himself and his place in this world. He did not take this on lightly though and he undertook a very Dan like research project. In his message, he recognized there was great suffering in this world and he and my mom had decided they wanted to tithe to an organization aimed specifically at alleviating the suffering for migrants from Honduras.

He had identified Doctors without Borders and asked for my opinion and suggestions of other organizations that would play a role in improving the lives of Hondurans. Sometimes on low days I wonder if anyone cares or if the world is filled with apathy and disinterest. I am so grateful that the world has people like Dan who take the time to think through all the sides of an issue and remind others, like myself, that at the heart of it is a human being who is deserving of our love and attention. He makes me want to be a better person, someone who is kind and considerate like him.

I knew this would be difficult to get through and I didn’t want to leave you feeling sad because we are celebrating Dan’s life. I would be remiss if I didn’t leave you with something else. I mentioned before the photos and the stories that have flooded us all and many of you commented on something special and very Dan-like, his mustache. He hadn’t had a mustache since the mid-90’s but we all remember it. My brother Erich memorialized it with a handmade Christmas ornament that we bring out every year. If you have seen it then you will know it is only something a parent could love. Dan displayed it every year, even when it turned from a child’s school project into a long-running family joke. He was in on the joke.

Thank you for coming today to celebrate Dan’s life. It was a good one. "
Written and delivered by Greta Lewellyn Schmidt Gromovich, February 26, 2019

In the days and weeks following Dan's death, many friends and family made contributions in his memory to Doctors Without Borders. Our family is so touched by these gestures of love, honor and respect for Dan. There isn't a birthday gift that would make Dan happier than for me to further honor him by matching those gifts. So, I have done so today. This is for you, Dan. Happy birthday!